How I Met Your Mother (And Other Awkward Moments)
by theloverofdragons
Summary: "Daddy, how did you and Mummy meet?" "Uh...well...it's a funny story actually..." "I like funny stories!" "Um..." "Was it love at first sight?" "...Not exactly."
1. How I Met Your Mother

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender. That privilege goes to Bryke and** **Nickelodeon**

* * *

How I Met Your Mother

"Daddy, can you tell me a story?"

Zuko freezes in the process of extinguishing the fires which light up his six year old daughter's bedroom and slowly turns his head towards where she is sitting up in bed, hugging a turtleduck plushie to her chest as she stares up at him with wide gold eyes.

"Kaida…" he reaches up and rubs the back of his neck; a habit he had picked up when he was a teenager, and the Hundred Year War still raged around them, which he had never managed to break. "You know I'm not the best at making stories or, well, _anything_ up. I'm sure if you asked your mother-"

"Oh I _know_ that, Daddy; Uncle Iroh told me 'bout when you had to make up names for you two." Kaida replies, causing her father to scowl slightly and make a mental note to ambush and hide some of Iroh's tea supplies when the next delivery arrived at the palace. "Also, Mummy's busy with Aunty Suki tonight, 'member?"

Zuko sighs. "Oh yeah, she is, isn't she? And I've got…" the words die in his throat as his eldest daughter turns her huge golden eyes towards him, accompanied with a slight pout and trembling of the lips. "…Paperwork which I suppose can wait for a while," he concedes.

"Yay!" Kaida beams and claps her hands excitedly as Zuko moves from his original position in the doorway and comes over to sit next to her on the bed.

 _Sweet Agni, she's got me wrapped around her little finger_ , he thinks wryly. _Just like her mother does. Actually, thinking about it, it was probably Katara who taught her that trick with the puppy-seal eyes, knowing damned well I can't resist it._

"So what kind of story do you want?" he asks aloud as Kaida abandons her turtleduck by her pillow in favour of snuggling up to her father's chest.

"Well…" she purses her lips as she deliberates. "Not the normal stories, cos those get boring, and not a story you were told cos Uncle Sokka says you can never remember the whole thing, just the…uh… _punchline_ I think he said."

"Oh he did, did he?" Zuko grumbles, making another mental note to take Sokka's not-so-secret stash of seal jerky and hide it with Iroh's ambushed tea.

Kaida nods vigorously in her six year old innocence. "Yup!"

"So you don't want your normal stories, or a made up story, or a story I've been told…" Zuko shifts and pulls his daughter closer to his side. "What could you possibly want?"

"A story of one of your experiences!" Kaida giggles and buries her head underneath his collarbone. "That way it won't be boring, you won't forget most of it and you don't have to make anything up!"

In the face of his daughter's enthusiasm, Zuko can't help but smile too. "Yes, that does seem to make sense," he agrees, heating his fingers slightly and lightly running them over Kaida's back, causing her to giggle again. "So, what do you want to hear about?"

Kaida cocks her head to the side in thought, her nose scrunching up slightly. Zuko waits patiently (before he had joined Team Avatar way back at the Western Air Temple, he never would have thought he'd be able to do _anything_ patiently. His time with the Gaang during the last few months of the war had changed that. It had changed a lot of things) until her face brightens as an idea pops into her mind.

"Daddy, how did you and Mummy meet?"

Zuko stiffens slightly as images of a river glistening under the light of the moon, a backdrop of pine trees, and a sandy river bank suddenly flood his mind and he feels his cheeks heat up.

"Uh…well…it's a funny story actually…" he trails off awkwardly.

"I like funny stories!" Kaida chirps, looking up at him expectantly.

"Um…" For neither the first, nor the last time, Zuko curses his inability to find words when he most needs them and subsequently make a bumbling fool of himself.

"Was it love at first sight?" Kaida asks, her voice taking on a slightly dreamy quality.

"…Not exactly." Zuko gives a dry chuckle. _Definitely not._

"Then what _happened,_ Daddy?" Kaida demands, in a manner all too similar to Katara. "Tell me! _Please_?"

"Alright, alright," the Fire Lord sighs, adjusting his position on the bed, knowing he is powerless against his daughter. "It happened about six years before you were born, in a forest by a river in the Earth Kingdom…"

* * *

"Uncle Iroh had lost his Lotus Tile, so we stopped off at a port town to try and find a replacement. We were unable to, but while we were looking round a pirate ship, it emerged that the pirates were looking for a Water Tribe girl accompanied by a bald-headed monk and a Water Tribe boy who had stolen their waterbending scroll. We made a deal that if they helped us look for the Avatar, we would help them get their scroll back."

 _Working with such shady characters as the pirates hardly appealed to the Fire Prince but he wasn't one to pass up such an opportunity to capture the Avatar. Iroh was still muttering to himself about his Lotus Tile and Ginseng tea but the pirates and Zuko alike ignored him as the pirate ship, closely followed by a cutter from the Prince's own ship, travelled leisurely (too slowly in Zuko's opinion) down the river in the direction which the crew had seen the Avatar and Water Tribe peasants fly off in. Night had truly fallen upon them and only the moon and a couple of fires from Zuko's soldiers provided any light._

 _The Prince himself scowled as his eyes travelled along the lines of trees on either side of the river for any sign which might help him locate the Avatar. It had taken him three years of fruitless searching and now that the boy was finally within his grasp, he wasn't going to give up now. He would reclaim his honour, his throne, and his father's love._

"We eventually heard several angry shouts directed towards the water and concluded that it had to be the waterbender. We beached the ships on the bank behind a row of bushes in front of where your mother was practicing her then limited waterbending."

 _The pirates instantly disembarked and scuttled off to surround the peasant girl. Zuko frowned as he and his soldiers stepped onto the sandy river bank after the 'high-risk traders'; he didn't trust the crew's intentions towards the young female who had stolen one of their prized pieces of merchandise._

" _You," he barked at one of his men. "Bring me some rope; the good kind. I want to be prepared for anything."_

" _Yes Prince Zuko," the man in question bowed and hurried back towards the cutter._

 _Zuko turned to the rest of the soldiers. "Spread out and search the immediate area for the Avatar," he ordered sharply, turning on his heel once the soldier returned and handed him the neatly coiled rope, and marching towards where the pirates had disappeared off to. Iroh opened his mouth, probably to offer some advice in the guise of proverbs, but closed it again at the steely look in his nephew's eyes as Zuko secured the rope to his belt and slipped round the bushes._

"She managed to fight off the pirates and tried to run off but instead, she ran straight into me. I, uh, may have grabbed her and promised her that I'd…uh…rescue her from them…it wasn't exactly my finest moment."

" _Let_ go _of me!" the waterbender's half furious, half terrified shout reached Zuko's ears as he emerged from behind the foliage in time to see the girl stream a mass of water from the river into the face of the pirate who was restraining her by her shoulders. He spluttered and released her and the waterbender took the opportunity to run away from her would-be captors._

 _Unfortunately, as she was glancing over her shoulder to ensure that they weren't following her, she was unable to stop herself from running straight into Zuko's armoured chest. She let out a horrified gasp as she frantically tried to back away, but the Fire Prince grabbed her wrists and yanked her back towards him._

 _His lips curved up into a smirk. "I'll save you from the pirates."_

* * *

"Hang on Daddy," Kaida interrupts, her eyebrows knotting together in a frown. "Is this what Mummy was referring to the other day when you were arguing and she said 'two words: _pirates_ and _tree_ '?"

Zuko blushes. "Oh Agni, you heard that?" he mutters, before replying in a louder voice, "Uh…yes, this is what she was referring to, no matter how many times I've apologised for tying her to that damned tree…"

"Wait," Kaida sits up and stares at him. "You _tied Mummy to a tree_?"

Zuko's blush darkens. "I, um, uh…maybe?"

Kaida shakes her head disapprovingly. "Daddy, that's not how you're meant to save someone."

"I know," Zuko mutters. "But things were…different between your mother and me back then."

"Still not how you're s'pposed to save somebody," Kaida mumbles before laying her head back down and allowing him to continue.

* * *

"Well I told the pirates to bring back my soldiers and find wherever Uncle Iroh had disappeared off to, while I, uh…tied Katara to a tree…I then began to ask her questions but, well, you know how stubborn your mother can get and she refused to answer every one."

" _I won't tell you anything about Aang," the waterbender hissed as Zuko dragged her back towards where the two ships were resting on the edge of the river bank._

" _I'd urge you to reconsider," he replied nonchalantly, making a beeline for a tree which stood further towards the river than the others. "That way you won't have to be used as bait for him."_

" _He won't come," she snapped back as he backed her up against the trunk and pulled her arms round behind it. "Aang's not stupid. He'll see through this little trap of yours and you'll fail, yet again."_

" _Maybe," Zuko crossed her wrists together and unhooked the rope from his belt. "And then where will that leave you? You'll still be a hostage regardless." He smirked as he saw the water peasant's confidence falter slightly and began winding the rope around her wrists. "Mercifully for you, that's not going to happen. If we don't find him first, he'll come to rescue you. Either way, I'll get him."_

 _The waterbender's jaw clenched and she stared resolutely ahead while Zuko continued tying her wrists behind her, flinching slightly every time his fingers or a knuckle would brush the skin of her hands uncovered by her wrist guards. Once the Fire Prince had tied the final knot, ensuring that she would not be able to get out of her binds without someone untying them for her, he stepped back in front of her again. Gold met cerulean as the two benders glowered at each other before their attention was diverted by Zuko's soldiers and the pirates returning, followed by Iroh, who was holding a steaming cup of tea._

" _Well? Anything?" Zuko demanded as the two groups formed a semi-circle around the tree the Water Tribe girl was tied to._

 _The lead soldier shook his head. "No, Your Highness. The Avatar was not in the immediate vicinity."_

 _Zuko's eyes narrowed and he whirled back towards the waterbender, who met his glare with a sullen look of her own. "Tell me where he is and I won't hurt you or your brother!"_

" _Go jump in the river!" the peasant girl spat._

"Direct questioning wasn't working at all so I…uh…maybe, sorta tried to…entice her with…her mother's necklace…which I had found a while back…"

 _The Prince's expression darkened further. The waterbender was no help whatsoever! She just didn't_ understand _his need to capture the Avatar for his honour. If only he had something he could bargain with. The waterbending scroll (which he had fastened to his belt after one of his soldiers had handed it to him, having found it abandoned on a rock back where they had found the girl) was obviously out of the question as it would upset the pirates, whom he still needed (for now)._

 _Then he remembered the necklace he had found at the wreckage of the prison ship._

 _He schooled his face into one as friendly as he could manage, what with his mark of shame plastered over half of it, and gentled his voice._

" _Try to understand," he stepped closer to her and slowly moved around the tree as he talked, ignoring the girl turning her face away as he drew closer. "I need to capture him to restore something I've lost: my honour."_

 _It still wasn't working; she was now completely ignoring him. Time to bring out the trump card then._

" _Perhaps in exchange," he leaned forward to murmur in her ear and brought out the necklace from the pocket he always kept it in. "I can restore something_ you've _lost."_

 _The waterbender's eyes flickered downwards and she gasped at the choker he was holding up to her neck. "My mother's necklace!"_

 _Finally, a reaction! Smirking, Zuko withdrew the necklace and sauntered back to his crew, dangling it teasingly in front of her._

" _How did you get that?" she demanded, glaring at him with eyes as hard and as blue as ice._

" _I didn't_ steal _it, if that's what you were wondering," he replied, smirking even more as a blush dusted her cheekbones at his reference to her actions with the scroll. His smirk died and his voice hardened again as he got back to business. "Tell me where he is."_

" _No!" Dammit, she was still being stubborn! It seemed that her loyalty to the Avatar overrode her affection towards the obvious heirloom. He wouldn't be getting anything out of the waterbender tonight._

"It failed and the pirates demanded different actions. After, um, threatening to burn the waterbending scroll, it was arranged to search the whole woods for your Uncle Sokka and Uncle Aang. Most of the pirates and soldiers went off while I remained with your mother and Uncle Iroh…who just curled up by a tree and went to sleep."

" _Why not just leave me with a guard?" The waterbender's voice broke him out of his silent musings of why he probably should have left his uncle on the main ship._

 _Zuko glanced out of the corner of his eye at the girl as she shifted uncomfortably from her position of being tied to the tree. Her eyes briefly met his before flickering away again, warily watching the three pirates and two firebenders size each other up from either side of the two boats._

" _Because I don't trust anyone else," the Fire Prince answered shortly. "Those two probably won't be able to keep watch as effectively and pirates can't be relied on in any situation where they don't benefit in some way, especially not with a young woman."_

" _Oh." Was all the waterbender had to say in response before she stifled a yawn in the material of her tunic covering her shoulders. Zuko turned his head fully to regard her as she battled with fatigue, noting the bags under her eyes._

Peasant or not, she needs sleep. _He gritted his teeth slightly. His honour may have been taken from him, but he still had morals, dammit, and those included treating women with the respect they deserved, even if they were irritating water peasants who actively thwarted him in his goals to capture the Avatar._

 _Sighing, he strode over to the tree and briskly loosened the ropes around her wrists. She glanced up at him in surprise._

" _Waterbenders may thrive during the night," he muttered, stepping back out from behind her. "But you still need sleep, and to have that, you have to be able to get comfortable. You still won't be able to escape, but you can at least sit down. Can't have the bait in too poor a condition, now can we?"_

 _She glowered at him, but nonetheless sank to the floor gratefully, rested her head against the tree trunk and closed her eyes. Zuko watched her for a few more moments before turning back to looking out over the river._

 _Of course, it all went pear-shaped once the pirates turned on him, losing their boat and stealing his in the process, the Avatar and Water Tribe peasants escaped and that damned lemur was able to untie the waterbender from the tree._

* * *

"The next morning, your mother and uncles were able to escape, with the waterbending scroll I might add, while we were fighting the pirates, and it turned out that Uncle Iroh's Lotus Tile was in his sleeve the whole time," Zuko finishes and Kaida stifles a yawn in the sleeve of his robes.

"That was a good story, Daddy," she mumbles sleepily. "S'not what you norm'ly hear in love stories."

"No, it's not," Zuko agrees, sliding her underneath her duvet and placing her turtleduck back in her arms.

"You weren't very good at being a prince," Kaida informs him, snuggling into her pillow.

"Oh?"

"Uh huh. Princes are s'pposed to be polite, statedly and save the damsel in distress. You 'specially messed up the last one when you tied her to a tree."

"Oh Agni, yet another one who's never going to let me live that down," Zuko mumbles as he stands up from her bed.

"Does yours and Mummy's story get happier?" Kaida asks drowsily.

Zuko smiles as he dims the lights in the room with a wave of his hand and thinks of sunset walks on the beach of Ember Island after the Southern Raiders, unknown to all except Toph. "Yes it does. I learned to love her, and she learned to love me back."

"Urgh, Daddy," Kaida grumbles as Zuko fully extinguishes the lights and steps through the doorway. "I said _happier_ , not _grosser_."

* * *

The next morning, to Sokka and Zuko's mortification and Suki, Katara and Toph's glee, Kaida proceeds to inform her younger brother and her cousins about how the Fire Lord and Lady met when they were teenagers, which in turn leads to a debate on whose parents' first encounters were better; getting 'saved from the pirates' or being forced to dress up as a Kyoshi Warrior.

* * *

 **A.N. Well, this is my first writing venture into the A:tLA fandom and I really hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it ^_^**

 **Basically, the premise of this is Zutara, Sukka and maybe some Aang/Acolyte kids asking their parents/relatives awkward questions and said Gaang member having to answer them. They may not even be about the war; they might just be normal children's questions (e.g. 'where do babies come from?')**

 **Just to clarify, the parts in italics are Zuko remembering the events of the whole pirate-waterbender-tree debacle while telling Kaida the watered-down version (HA! See what I did there? No? Okay...shutting up now)**

 **On the topic, Kaida is Zutara's first born child and Crown Princess. She is a firebender, has her father's eyes and hair colour, but her mother's type of hair. She's also inherited both their stubbornness and slight tempers and her name means 'Little Dragon'. More steam babies to be revealed in time! ;)**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this story and I hope to see you soon :)**


	2. Fear of Closets

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender. That privilege goes to Bryke and** **Nickelodeon**

* * *

Fear of Closets

"TUI AND LA, AANG! WHAT ARE YOU TWO _DOING_?!"

Toph raises her head from where it was resting on the table in Snoozles' and Fan Girl's kitchen, and shifts her foot in the direction she heard the former's shriek come from. Sensing the (rather loud) vibrations in the ground, she determines that Snoozles is standing in the entrance to a small room ( _could it be a closet? Sweet spirits, that would be too_ good _!_ ) containing Twinkletoes and his latest fancy, Acolyte Mi-Ran.

"Sokka, calm down! This isn't as bad as you're making it out to be!" Twinkletoes sounds desperate, and slightly irritated at the intrusion.

"YOU TWO ARE ENGAGING IN HANKY PANKY IN BOOMERANG'S ROOM! OH MY POOR, SWEET BOOMERANG!"

"Your boomerang has a room?" Mi-Ran has never met Sokka before, and if Toph wasn't finding this so amusing, she'd pity the Air Acolyte for what she is about to get into.

"OF COURSE MY BOOMERANG HAS A ROOM! THIS IS BOOMERANG WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, FOR LA'S SAKE! WHAT, WAS I SUPPOSED TO MAKE MY BOOMERANG JUST SLEEP IN A DRAWER?! AFTER WE DEFEATED SPARKY SPARKY BOOM MAN TOGETHER?!"

"Sokka, you renamed him Combustion Man-"

"NOT THE POINT AANG!"

At this point, tears are streaming down Toph's sightless eyes, while Mi-Ran sounds perplexed. "But…I thought this was just a storage closet?"

Snoozles loses it. "NO! THIS IS NOT A STORAGE CLOSET! EVEN IF IT WASN'T BOOMERANG'S ROOM, IT WOULD NOT BE A CLOSET! THERE ARE NO CLOSETS IN MY HOUSE! JUST SMALL ROOMS FOR KEEPING STUFF IN!"

Toph can't help herself and bursts into peals of laughter as Snoozles stomps away in his typical dramatic fashion, and Twinkletoes tries to reassure Mi-Ran that this is normal behaviour, or as normal as things get when Sokka is involved; "Look, he just has a funny thing with closets…don't ask, it's a long story…and I do mean a _long_ story."

Wiping her eyes, Toph shifts her position and props her feet up on the table, ignoring the fact that Sweetness will nag her about it if she catches her. She grabs the _lap cheong_ she had been eating before she was disturbed, fully intent on finishing it, when her sharp ears pick up on light footsteps coming towards the kitchen. They pause for a moment outside the open door, before Yue skips into the kitchen.

"Hiya, Aunt Toph! Ooh, is that meat?!"

Toph snorts. Everyone always says that Yue is truly her father's daughter, in both looks (not that that means anything to Toph) and attitude, and nowhere is that more painfully obvious than the girl's inherited obsession with meat, and all things meat-related.

"Yup," she responds, taking another bite and practically _hearing_ the nine year old start to drool. "I saw your mother putting these in one of the cupboards, so I decided to help myself."

"But…Aunt Toph…" Yue sounds like she's frowning. "Um…you're blind…so how would you…?"

Toph chortles. "You caught me kiddo. Mercifully, you don't take after ol' Snoozles in the regard that for the 'Idea Guy', he can be pretty easy to fool. They should be on the counter, unless Momo moved them without me knowing."

Yue beams (or at least Toph presumes she does), and skips over to where Suki told Toph she was leaving the rest of the _lap cheong_. Evidently she is successful in finding the Ba Sing Se delicacy, as she makes a happy noise before joining Toph at the table. They sit in silence for a few minutes; listening to the tell-tale _whoosh_ of firebending from outside, where Sparky is teaching Kaida some of the more advanced beginner's forms.

Yue swallows the last of her _lap cheong_. "Aunt Toph? Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"No! Not _that,_ Aunt Toph!"

Toph waves her hand nonchalantly. "Eh, I'm kidding, you know that. What d'you want to ask?"

"Well…did you hear Dad freaking out at Uncle Aang earlier?"

Toph snorts. "I'd be surprised if the whole of Kyoshi Island didn't hear him." She has a feeling that she knows where this conversation is going, and if she's right then she is going to have _so much fun_.

Yue giggles. "He was pretty loud wasn't he? Anyways, it got me thinking…Dad _does_ have a funny thing with closets, doesn't he?"

 _And once again, the Blind Bandit is correct_. "Very much so," Toph replies aloud. "To the extent that he won't go near one unless he's accompanied by someone. And he tries his best to keep me, your Aunt Katara, and Uncle Sparky as far away from them as possible."

"Why?" Yue asks the question Toph has been dying to hear, and she gives a mental fist pump. "Did he have a bad experience in a closet or somethin'?"

"Not as such," Toph drawls, picking bits of dirt out from under her fingernails. "He's actually had quite good experiences in closets. It's what happened _outside_ the closet that he's got a problem with."

* * *

"The first time it happened was way back in the Western Air Temple. Sparky and Snoozles had returned from their 'fishing trip' at the Boiling Rock, along with Fan Girl, Chit Sang, and your grandpa, so we were all finally feelin' pretty good ever since the Day of the Black Sun invasion had fallen flat on its face."

 _Toph smirked from where she was casually lounging in one of the Air Temple's lower courtyards as she caught the scent of stew from the kitchen. Sweetness still wasn't living up to her nickname when it came to Sparky, but after he helped Snoozles rescue their father, friend, and some random guy, she had begrudgingly allowed him to help her with dinner, using the supplies from the airship they had stolen from Azula and her two minions._

 _Speaking of the Boiling Rock…Toph had made the acquaintance of Chit Sang and Chief Hakoda (nickname still in progress), but she had yet to reconnect with Suki, having not encountered her since their relatively awkward meeting at Serpent's Pass (for the love of all the spirits, she was in the water where she_ can't freaking see _. How was she to know that it was Suki who had dived in rather than Snoozles?!). Shifting her foot, she determined that Haru and Chit Sang were bending in one of the upper courtyards, while Teo and the Duke watched, and that Chief Hakoda was talking to Twinkletoes. Sparky and Sugar Queen were obviously in the kitchen, but she couldn't get an exact location on Snoozles or Fan Girl. She knew they were in the lower right hand corridors, but they kept moving around._

 _Squaring her shoulders, Toph used her earthbending to boost herself onto her feet and set off in the direction of the two lovebirds._

"When I got to the corridor where I had last sensed your parents, they had mercifully settled down in one place; a small, cramped space which Twinkletoes said the monks would have used as a storage closet. And not wanting to taint your innocent mind just yet, they were…catching up in there, shall we say."

 _The sound of high pitched giggling, followed by low moans, reached Toph's ears from where she was standing on the other side of the open doorway, the actual door itself having either been destroyed in the Fire Nation attack, or rotted away after a century. The blind earthbender's eyebrows rose slightly, before her trademark devious smirk appeared on her face. She took a few steps backwards, leaning against the wall facing the closet, and folded her arms._

 _Another giggle sounded, this time from Suki, and then some mumbles from Snoozles, before the two exited their obvious make-out spot, standing so close together, they were practically one person. However, at the sight of the smirking earthbender, they froze._

" _S'up?" Toph grinned as she felt their heartbeats hammering._

" _Uh…hey Toph…" Snoozles gulped. "Um…how long have you…?"_

" _Long enough, Snoozles, long enough," Toph drawled, her smirk growing wider as they shuffled their feet awkwardly. "Y'know, you're lucky right now that I can't see you, cause I'm pretty sure that you both look a mess. So if I were you, I'd get tidied up before Sweetness calls us for dinner, and everyone realises what you two have been getting up to in here."_

 _As she sauntered away, she heard Fan Girl's poorly concealed squeak, and Snoozles' even more poorly concealed curse. Her smirk remained on her face throughout the rest of the evening, and whenever Suki or Sokka would look at her, their heartbeats would begin to pound so loud she was surprised no one else heard them. At one point, Hakoda asked Snoozles why he was blushing so hard, causing the Water Tribe warrior to choke on his stew and claim allergies._

"Of course, catching them one time in the Western Air Temple wouldn't be enough for Snoozles to have the reaction towards closets that he does now. Nope, the next time was a couple of weeks later on Ember Island."

 _If Twinkletoes wanted to have even_ half _a chance of defeating the Fire Lord, he really needed to get his act together with his earthbending, Toph grumbled to herself as she made her way from the private beach where she had been training Aang, back up to Sparky's beach house._

 _Throughout their training session, Twinkletoes had been distracted, probably by that horrific play they had been to see two nights before, and as a result, his earthbending had been getting sloppy. With Sozin's Comet coming pretty damn soon, this was the last thing the Gaang needed, so Toph had promptly buried the Avatar in sand and rock, with the strict orders to only get out of it using his earthbending, 'no cutting corners Twinkles, and if I even_ think _you're using the other elements, I will ensure that you're the next one who has to take Snoozles shopping'._

 _Sparky and Sweetness were still out getting supplies from Ember Island's market, so Toph began making a beeline for the kitchen, hoping she'd be able to metal bend enough utensils before they got back, and provide some much needed comic relief when Sugar Queen had one of her meltdowns._

"I was almost at the kitchen, when what do I hear? Only some more giggling and shuffling about in a relatively large closet. And I'll give you three guesses as to who was in there."

 _Toph threw the door to the closet open, not so she could tell who was in there (she'd figured_ that _out through her earthbending and basic process of elimination), but rather for dramatic effect. Evidently it worked, as Snoozles uttered a shriek a cat-owl would be proud of, springing apart from Suki, but then immediately clutching her close in front of him as a human shield._

" _Once again," Toph drawled, casually picking dirt out from under her fingernails. "Be grateful that I can't see, as I'm pretty sure that your face is trying to imitate a tomato-carrot, Snoozles."_

" _It is pretty red," Suki mumbled, shrugging her shoulders helplessly, as Sokka uttered a strangled gurgle, and Toph cackled._

" _I…uh…just…this…_ Toph _!" the Water Tribe Warrior wailed. "This is the second time, for La's sake! That's two times too many! Suki and I wanted some…alone time, as we never get any!"_

 _Toph scoffed. "Don't give me that, Snoozles! Sparky told me about what he saw when he went into your tent!"_

" _The_ bro-code _-!"_

" _Sokka!" Fan Girl snapped, effectively shutting her boyfriend up before he could go on a rant about how Zuko breaking the bro-code was_ the worst thing to happen since they ran out of meat _, before turning back to the highly amused earthbender._

" _Toph, I'm sorry that you've had to see this twice-"_

" _Technically, I didn't_ see _anything."_

 _Suki sighed. "What I'm trying to say, as Sokka seems to have now become incoherent, is that we didn't mean for you to catch us either time, and we're sorry, and hopefully this won't happen again."_

" _Careful Fan Girl," Toph threw the lovebirds an exaggerated wink, before sauntering away. "Don't want to jinx it, do you?"_

"I can assure you kiddo, that was most definitely _not_ the last time I caught your parents getting snuggly in a closet. Some of the times, I _did_ do it on purpose, just to watch Snoozles freak out, but the more times I caught them, the less they actually went into any of the closets. None of the others suspected, but even so, your father began avoiding them like the pentapox. Whenever he and I were in a corridor which contained a closet, he would make some far-fetched excuse and leg it. Of course, the thing that really cinched the deal in regards to his phobia was after Sozin's Comet, when we had been staying in the Fire Nation Palace for a few days."

" _Ya know," Toph commented as she and Snoozles made their way to their guest quarters in the Royal Wing. "I know the past three Fire Lords were all pyromaniacs with superiority complexes, but I would've expected to see a bit more in terms of décor."_

" _I know!" Snoozles grunted, shifting the many scrolls he had 'permanently borrowed' from the Fire Palace Library. "It's just red, fire, red, gold, red and more red everywhere and…" He paused, and turned, presumably to glower at the smirking earthbender. "…Why do you do that so much?"_

" _Because you make it worth doing," Toph snorted, reaching out and socking him on the shoulder._

 _Sokka yelped, nearly dropping the scrolls. "Careful!" he squawked, trying to regain his balance. "Hey…where are the others by the way?"_

 _Toph shrugged. "Ehh, I think Suki's in the armoury and Twinkletoes is raiding the kitchen. As for Sparky and Sweetness, she mentioned something about another healing session."_

" _It's pretty good he's doing so well after taking a super-charged lightning bolt to the chest from his crazy sister," Sokka mused, as two guards opened the doors to the Royal Wing and they stepped through. "Remember how long Aang spent healing after Azula shot him?"_

" _Sparky never does think things through," Toph mumbled._

" _Never has, probably never will," Snoozles agreed. "At least he now listens to Iroh to help him through all the Fire Lord-y stuff he'll be getting up to."_

"Well, as we were going to dump all the scrolls Snoozles had 'collected' in his room and then probably join Twinkletoes in the kitchen, when we found an innocent little closet between my room and Sweetness' and practically straight across from Snoozles'. Little did he know, there was a bit of a surprise awaiting us…well, him. I totally saw it coming."

" _AH-HA! Just the thing I was looking for!"_

" _What?"_

" _A storage closet where I can keep all these scrolls until Jerkbender (wait, do I have to call him Jerk Lord now?) gets me a chest to put them in," Sokka sounded far too smug for his own good. "And since you're with me, nothing bad can ha-WHAT IN THE NAME OF TUI, LA, YUE AND ALL THE OTHER SPIRITS WHOSE NAMES I SHOULD KNOW BUT CAN'T REMEMBER BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM SEEING?!"_

" _Sokka!" the unmistakeable irritated (and relatively out of breath) voice of Sugar Queen rang out from inside the closet, where she was pressed up against Sparky. "What are you doing?!"_

" _I was trying to put these scrolls somewhere!" Snoozles snapped back, having dropped said scrolls and adding to Toph's growing amusement. "But that's not the point! The point is what are YOU doing, Katara?!"_

" _What does it look like?!" Sweetness snapped, evidently snatching another kiss from Sparky if his heartbeat and Sokka's disgusted gurgle were anything to go by._

" _IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME AN UNCLE!" he howled, brandishing a scroll in what he thought was a threatening manner, while Toph tried (not very) hard to contain her laughter._

" _Everything alright?" the voice of Suki floated over to them, as she appeared suddenly and ran down the corridor to join them outside the closet. "I heard noises…oh. Well it's about time that happened!"_

 _Sparky and Sugar Queen's noises of confusion were masked by Snoozles' shriek. "HUH? Suki, what do you mean 'it's about time'? Y-you wanted to see me become an uncle?!"_

" _Sokka, that is_ not _what's going on here!"_

" _Sokka, all I meant was that I had my suspicions, and they've just been confirmed," Fan Girl soothed, rubbing her boyfriend's shoulder._

" _I saw it coming ages ago," Toph decided to inform them._

" _Of course you did," Sparky muttered, earning himself a swat from Sugar Queen. Snoozles then whirled on him, finger outstretched and boomerang out._

" _JERKBENDER! In...in…canoodling in a…oh La…a storage closet with my_ sister _, you have violated the bro-code! I am now honour bound (which is something_ you _can't argue with, so ha!) to avenge this…misdemeanour!"_

" _How's about I give you unlimited access to the palace kitchens for a month instead?" Sparky suggested, still not untangling himself from Sweetness, Toph noticed._

" _Make it a year and I'll consider it."_

" _A year?! The cooks are barely coping with you for less than a week! Even a month is stretching it!"_

" _Then NO DEAL!" Snoozles raised his boomerang and prepared to charge, before a shift of Toph's foot sent him skidding to the right and falling face first on the floor._

" _Right," Sugar Queen briskly took charge, before Snoozles had a chance to start talking again. "Suki take Sokka to the armoury. Hopefully the pointy things will distract him for a bit. Toph, go and join Aang in the kitchen and for La's sake, don't break anything or terrorise any more servants. Zuko, we need to get back to your healing session, and get that grin off your face, you actually_ need _it if you want to be in any fit shape for your coronation next week."_

" _You got it Katara," Suki grabbed Snoozles' shoulder once he picked himself up and steered him away from the closet, closely followed by a still-chortling Toph. "We'll meet you in the kitchen once you're finished?"_

" _Yes, yes," Sweetness called after them. "We were going to wait to do this, but we will explain then, I promise!"_

" _Strange," Toph mused as the trio stepped out from the Royal Wing, the guards showing no reactions in regards to what had just transpired. "I didn't realise that they'd be continuing the healing session in the closet."_

* * *

"So the reason that Dad is scared of closets is because you kept catching him and Mum making out in ones, and then because he caught Aunt Katara and Uncle Zuko doing the same?" Yue has, remarkably, remained quiet and attentive throughout Toph's story.

"Pretty much," she replies, reaching for her _lap cheong_ , only to realise that Fan Girl's daughter can be as stealthy as her mother sometimes, and swiped it. "But when you put it like that, it doesn't sound as amusing."

Yue giggles. "It was a pretty funny story, Aunt Toph." She hops off her chair and skips out of the kitchen. "Thanks for 'xplaining 'bout Dad's funny thing with closets!" she calls. "And for the _lap cheong_!"

"Yeah, yeah, my pleasure," Toph mutters, kicking her feet back up on the table and shutting her eyes. "You're lucky I like you so much."

All too soon, her nap is disturbed by the entrance of Fan Girl and Sweetness, who both sit down on the opposite end of the table to her.

"I presume that you two are giving me some kind of look," Toph begins cheerfully. "Never mind that it doesn't actually work on me."

Sugar Queen sighs. "Toph. Earlier, Sokka caught Aang and Mi-Ran in one of the closets here. You, of all people, know what he's like with things like that."

"I did nothing," Toph interjects. "I was in here the whole time, having some shut-eye."

Suki also sighs. "We never said you weren't, Toph. What we were getting to was that about twenty minutes ago, Yue comes into the sitting room, where Sokka was giving Aang and Mi-Ran threatening looks over his boomerang. She turns around and says 'don't worry Dad; I'm sure they didn't _mean_ for you to catch them like you kept getting caught. And anyway, it didn't sound like they were trying to make you an uncle'."

"I didn't know it was possible to _make_ all those noises," Sugar Queen muses, taking a long sip of tea. "I had to subject him to a thorough medical examination. You wouldn't happen to know _how_ Yue found out about the development of Sokka's phobia of closets, would you Toph?"

Toph struggles to contain the small cackles which have erupted. "Of course not, Fire Lady Fussybritches," she attempts to sound contrite. "Why on earth would you think _that_?"

"Uh-huh," Suki sounds disbelieving. "And the other children aren't going to find out yet either, _are they Toph_?"

The blind earthbender smirks.

"Careful Fan Girl. Don't want to jinx it, do you?"

* * *

 **A.N. Once again, this was a lot of fun to write and I'm hoping you all enjoyed it too :) Many thanks go to everyone who read, reviewed, followed or favourited the story *hugs you all***

 **About Yue; Sukka's second child and only daughter, named for obvious reasons, has brown hair and blue eyes, trains in the arts of the Kyoshi Warriors (when she's older), and is basically a miniature female Sokka**

 **Anyway, see you in the next one! :)**


	3. Playing Dress Up

**Disclaimer:** **I, unfortunately, do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender. That privilege goes to Bryke and** **Nickelodeon**

* * *

Playing Dress Up

"Look Uncle Aang, I'm a samurai!"

Aang barely has time to look up from the old airbending scroll he's reading, when a blur of antique red and black armour crashes into his leg.

"A samurai, are you?" he asks humorously, bending down to remove the helmet from the head of the child within the pile of armour. Two golden eyes blink up at him, surrounded by shaggy black hair which has fallen free of its topknot, and accompanied by a blinding grin.

Aang can't help but smile; there is no doubt that the second oldest Prince of the Fire Nation is the spitting image of his father.

"Yup!" Isao chirps. "Jus' like in the olden days 'fore the uni-fi-ca-tion of the Fire Nation!"

"Those were a very long time ago," Aang notes, still trying to make out Isao's body within the armour. "What prompted this decision?"

"Well, me and Suika was in our lessons with Master Chao, an' he mentioned the samurais. Suika said she remembered Dad showin' us some old armour from like, a thousand thousand years ago, so when we'd done, we went to go see it. Suika didn't really like it, cos she's a girl and she's _boring_ , but I wanted to try some on, so I did, and I was going to find her, or Mum or Dad, and then I found you, Uncle Aang!"

Somehow, Isao was able to say this all in one breath, so Aang's brain is still processing this information a good thirty seconds after Isao has finished.

"Be that as it may," he says eventually, trying for a disapproving tone similar to Katara's, "I don't think your parents would approve of you borrowing antique samurai armour. We should probably put it back."

Isao frowns. "Are you alright, Uncle Aang? Your voice went all funny and growly. D'you have a sore throat or somethin'? Shall I go get Mum?"

Okay, so the disapproving tone needs a _little_ more work.

"No, no, I'm fine," he replies, coughing to cover up. "There! All better! But we'd still better put all this back before your mother catches us with it."

Isao sighs. " _Fiiiiine_. But I was looking forward to scaring some nobles."

Aang has to repress a snicker, knowing that if he in any way indicates to Isao that he likes the idea, he will be hunted down by the entirety of the Fire Nation and Water Tribes, led by Katara.

Speaking of whom… "To put this armour back, we're going to have to be stealthy."

"Like a Kyoshi Warrior? Or Dad when he steals stuff from the kitchen?"

"Yeah, exactly. So do you know where everyone's going to be, so we can avoid them?"

Isao scrunches his forehead in concentration. "Mum and Dad are in the office, going over the ne-go-ti-a-tions for their meetings later, and Uncle Sokka, Aunt Suki and Aunt Toph are sparrin' I think. 'Vryone else should be in lessons or somthin'."

Aang grins, removing a bulk of the samurai armour so Isao can actually move properly, and beginning to make his way in the direction the prince had come from. "Perfect. We should be able to return this undetected."

For the most part, Aang is right and nobody, from servants doing their jobs to wandering nobles, catches them sneaking the armour back. As they're on about to enter the corridor where the antique armour is displayed, Suika passes them on her way to her pipa lessons. She pauses for a moment, taking in the Avatar with his arms laden down in samurai chest armour, and her twin brother with a helmet rammed down on his head and armoured boots about ten sizes too big for his feet, before rolling her eyes in a manner eerily similar to Katara, and continuing on her way.

"See," Isao mutters. "Told you she's _boring_."

Aang snorts, hastily covering it up with a cough, as he catches sight of the stand Isao had acquired the samurai armour from. Unlike its brothers standing straight in the typical military precision of the Fire Nation, this one is lying at an angle on the floor, with everything except the leg guards missing.

At Aang's look, Isao shrugs. "What? I couldn't reach, and not everything could fit?"

The Avatar sighs, leading him over to the stand and pulling it upright. "Fair point. Come on; we'd better put this back quickly before someone suspects something."

Reluctantly, Isao steps out of his boots, and Aang begins working on putting the samurai armour back the way it was, using the other sets around him as a guide.

"Have you ever dressed up, Uncle Aang?"

"Yes actually. Back during the Hundred Year War, I accidentally joined a Fire Nation school as a pupil called Kuzon. Thinking about it, we all had a stint dressing up during the War," Aang paused as Isao cocked his head to one side, and stared at him expectedly. "Why are you looking at me like that? What do you…oh. That's my cue to tell you about it, isn't it?"

* * *

"Well, let's start from the beginning. This was when we first went to Kyoshi Island, and we had only just met Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors. After Sokka and Suki had got off to a…rough start shall we say –"

"I know she kicked his butt, if that's what you mean."

"Heh, yep. Anyway, Sokka tried to reconcile with her, and when I next saw him he'd…made a change in the fashion department."

" _Do I really have to wear this? It feels a little…girly." Sokka's miserable voice floated out from the Warriors' training hall, as Aang passed it. Intrigued, the Avatar stopped to listen._

" _It's a warrior's uniform," Suki replied, sounding highly amused. "You should be proud. The silk threads symbolize the brave blood that flows through our veins. The gold insignia represents the honour of the warrior's heart."_

 _Sokka puffed up with pride. "Bravery and honour."_

 _Aang couldn't help the grin that spread across his face at the possibilities which ran through his mind, and poked his head round the doorframe. Was Sokka, the 'manliest warrior to ever walk upon the earth', really wearing a…_

" _Hey Sokka! Nice dress!"_

"Later, when we were fighting off the Fire Nation, he kept the dress on, and was actually pretty adept at using a fan. The next dress up incident involved your father, when he saved my butt from Admiral Zhao."

 _Aang scowled, tugging on the chains restraining him to the two pillars on either side of him. They held fast. Sighing, he hung his head, glancing up again almost immediately as he heard two dull thuds from outside the door. He stared as the lock clicked, and the door slowly opened._

 _A blue and white demon mask covering the face of a figure dressed in black stared back at him, before slowly reaching up to unsheathe a pair of Dao swords. He rushed towards Aang, brandishing the wickedly sharp blades, and the Avatar let out a squawk. However, instead of feeling the metal bite into his skin, the swords shattered the chains restraining him._

" _Who are you? What's going on? Are you here to rescue me?" Aang wondered. The blue masked man (a spirit perhaps?) walked back towards the door, opened it, and made a jerky motion for Aang to follow him. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."_

 _As he made his way down the fortress corridor after the Blue Spirit, he suddenly heard a small croaking noise. Poking his head round a door, he saw the previously completely frozen frogs, which had escaped from his shirt earlier, crawling on the floor, only half frozen._

" _My frogs! Come back! And stop thawing out!" Aang was about to make a grab for them, when he felt the Blue Spirit grab the back of his collar and drag him away. "Wait! My friends need to suck on those frogs!"_

"Of course, things didn't go to plan when we were escaping; do they ever? Anyway, your dad as the Blue Spirit and I were about to get pierced by like, a thousand arrows, when your dad had an idea. In retrospect, it would've been better for me if he'd told me about it."

 _Aang swallowed heavily as he glanced down at the Dao swords which were crossed over his throat, as Zhao and the Blue Spirit had a stare off. The swords prevented the Yu Yan archers getting a shot at the Avatar which wouldn't result in him getting his throat cut, preventing them from 'capturing him alive'._

Wait…that's not exactly a reassuring thought! _He really hoped his new friend knew what he was doing._

 _Evidently, Zhao had realised the same thing. "Open the gates," he ordered through gritted teeth._

 _An officer next to him started. "Admiral, what are you doing?!"_

" _Let them out now!" Zhao snapped. The gates creaked open and Aang and the Blue Spirit slowly backed out from Pohuai Stronghold. Once they had a good distance, they turned and ran._

 _Aang grinned, moving his head to congratulate his friend…just in time to see an arrow catch the Blue Spirit on the side of his mask. The Avatar watched in horrified slow motion as the Blue Spirit collapsed to the ground, unconscious._

 _Reacting on instinct, Aang airbended a large cloud of dust around them. Looking down at the Blue Spirit's motionless figure, he hesitated, seeing the mask was slightly off-kilter. Kneeling down, he slowly removed it, and automatically recoiled at the sight._

 _It was Prince Zuko._

 _Aang's first reaction was to flee from the teen that had been chasing him and his friends ever since the Southern Water Tribe…but Zuko had saved him from Zhao…and it was against Aang's nature to just willingly abandon someone to their doom._

 _What would Monk Gyatso say? What would Kuzon, his friend from the Fire Nation, do?_

 _Aang made a decision._

 _By the time the Fire Nation soldiers cleared the dust, he knew that they would find no trace of the Avatar, the Blue Spirit, or the banished prince._

"For a while, there was a break in the whole 'dressing up' thing, but that streak was broken when we went to Gaoling for the first time, and encountered Toph as her Earth Rumble alter-ego, the Blind Bandit."

" _She can't really be blind," Katara murmured, as the three of them stared at the tiny girl in green, who was displaying the Earth Rumble championship belt above her head. "It's just part of her character, right?"_

" _I think she is," Aang murmured, noticing the Blind Bandit's misted eyes beneath her bangs of hair._

" _I think she is...GOING DOWN!" Sokka crowed, startling Momo into hiding in the new bag the shopaholic had just bought._

 _In the ring, the Boulder frowned slightly as he took in his opponent. "The Boulder feels conflicted about fighting a young blind girl."_

" _Sounds to me like you're scared, Boulder!" the Blind Bandit taunted, in an unnaturally young voice._

 _The Boulder scowled. The Boulder's over his conflicted feelings, and now he's ready to bury you screen in a rock-alanche!"_

" _Whenever you're ready, The Pebble!" the Blind Bandit laughed._

 _Aang's eyes widened as he remembered the vision he had had in the swamp, of a flying boar and a young girl with the same laugh as the Blind Bandit._ Could she be…?

" _It's on!" the Boulder growled, charging forwards. As his heel hit the ground, the Blind Bandit made a sweeping movement with her foot. Aang watched in awe as the earth moved beneath the Boulder, whirling him around and forcing him into very painful looking splits._

 _Sokka's face fell as the Boulder howled at the skies. "Ooooooh!"_

"After Toph defeated the Boulder, Xin Fu (the master of ceremonies) asked if anyone wanted to challenge the reigning champion, and I said I would. I actually wanted to talk to her, rather than fight her, but, well, it didn't turn out the way I'd hoped."

" _Do people really want to see two little girls fighting out here?" the Blind Bandit mocked, 'looking' at the Avatar._

" _Oooh," the crowd murmured._

 _Aang put his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. "I don't really want to fight you. I want to talk to you."_

 _The Blind Bandit scoffed at that, causing a boulder to erupt under Aang's feet and launching him into the air. He landed lightly behind her, causing her to whirl around._

" _Somebody's a little light on his feet!" she mocked. "What's your fighting name: the Fancy Dancer?"_

 _As she launched another boulder at him, Aang used his airbending to deflect it, still hoping for a chance to talk to the girl. Instead, he ended up knocking her out of the ring, and earning himself a bag of gold coins and the championship belt._

 _That was probably why she wasn't too happy to see him when he, Katara and Sokka landed in her garden, and later on earthbended him into a tree._

"Much later after that, when we were first hiding in the Fire Nation, we came across the village of Jang Hui, which was suffering due to the pollution caused by the munitions factory, and learned about their guardian spirit; the Painted Lady. When we were there, strange things began to happen, so I decided to investigate."

 _Aang chased after the fleeing spirit, using his airbending to keep up with her, as they ran up a hill. Maybe she could use her healing powers to help Appa?_

" _Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you," he called. "But my friend's sick and we're on kind of a tight schedule."_

 _The spirit didn't appear to hear him, or she ignored him, as she crossed the river. Aang scurried after her, freezing parts of the river as stepping stones, so he could keep up with her, continuing to talk._

" _Wait! But I'm a great bridge between your world and mine! I know Hei Bai! We're close personal friends!"_

 _The Painted Lady moved faster, making her way towards the docks. Aang jumped onto a wooden bridge, then onto a roof, still running after her._

 _He waved as she glanced up at him. "Heeey!"_

 _The pole he ran into came out of nowhere._

"When I finally caught up with her, I confronted her, and got the surprise of my life."

" _My name's Aang," he beamed at the Painted Lady. "I'm the Avatar."_

" _Well, hello Avatar," she responded, sounding slightly awkward. "I wish I could talk, but I am very busy."_

 _Aang nodded, understanding her predicament. "Yeah, me too. I hate that." He peered at what he could see of her face behind the veil. "You know, you're really pretty spirit. I don't meet too many spirits, but the ones I do meet, not very attractive." He tried to peer under the hat to gain a better look._

 _The Painted Lady giggled nervously. "Thank you, but-"_

" _You seem familiar too," Aang interrupted, not wanting to be rude, but rather because there was something niggling at the back of his mind._

" _A lot of people say that," the Painted Lady responded_

" _No, you really seem familiar," Aang muttered._

 _The spirit sighed. "Look, I really should get going." As she turned to leave, a sudden gust of wind wrenched her hat and veil off her head. She gasped, desperately trying to grab it, and accidentally turned._

 _Aang's eyes widened as he saw Katara beneath the costume and makeup…although he immediately admitted that it did kinda make sense._

"And finally, back to Sokka. This actually happened before Katara took on the persona of the Painted Lady, but I think it would be nice to come full circle. While I was pretending to be Kuzon at the school, I kinda got in a bit of trouble…so the headmaster asked to see my parents."

 _The headmaster peered at the trio sitting in front of him. "Thank you for coming, Mr. and Mrs..."_

" _Fire." Sokka substituted in a fake voice, accompanied with a fake beard and moustache to boot. "Wang Fire. This is my wife, Sapphire."_

 _Katara smiled demurely, and nodded politely. "Sapphire Fire. Nice to meet you."_

 _Mr. and Mrs ... Fire" the headmaster drawled. "Your son has been enrolled here for two days and he's already causing problems. He's argued with his history teacher, disrupted music class, and roughed up my star pupil."_

 _Katara gasped, the picture of the doting mother, while Wang Fire scowled. "My goodness! That doesn't sound like our Kuzon."_

 _Headmaster scowled as well. "That's what any mother would say, Ma'am. Nonetheless, you're forewarned; if he acts up one more time, I'll have him sent to reform school- by which I mean the coal mines. Are we clear?"_

 _Wang Fire puffed his chest up. "Don't you worry, Mr. Headmaster. I'll straighten this boy out somethin' fierce!" he turns and fixed a frightening glare on Aang. "Young man, as soon as we get home you're gonna get the punishment of a lifetime!"_

 _The headmaster smirked. "That's what I like to hear."_

"When we got back to the cave we were hiding in, I knew that I couldn't just abandon my new school friends to the life they were living. Fortunately, I had a fool proof plan."

 _Sokka scoffed. "What could you possibly do for a country of depraved little fire monsters?"_

 _Aang grinned; he at least knew that this plan was definitely going to work. "I'm gonna throw them," he did a little jig for effect, "a secret dance party!"_

 _Wang Fire was highly unimpressed. "Go to your room!"_

"Wang Fire later reappeared as my therapist before the Day of the Black Sun…but the less is said about that, the better."

* * *

"Soooo," Isao grins, as Aang rests the shoulder pads back on the armour stand the prince had acquired them from. "What you're saying is that because Mum and Dad dressed up when they were way older than me, and used it to do things they prob'bly shouldn't, they shouldn't have a problem with me doin' it?"

"Yeah, sure," Aang replies, not really listening as he concentrates on getting the angle of the shoulder pads' intersection with the chest piece just right, and therefore doesn't see a small smirk begin to form on Isao's face.

"Thanks Uncle Aang! Bye!" he chirps, scampering off back down the corridor.

"No problem," Aang replies, turning back to where Isao had been standing. "Hey! Where did…?" his face suddenly pales as what Isao said sinks into his brain. "No! Wait! I didn't mean…ISAO! ISAO COME BACK!"

* * *

If you were to be strolling down the corridors of the Fire Palace that afternoon, and passed the room where the Fire Lady and Water Tribe delegation were involved in their bi-annual post-war discussions, you would have found nothing untoward.

However, were you to pass the meeting room containing the Fire Lord, the Council, and the Earth Kingdom delegation, you would have heard scandalised and terrified cries from the nobility, shrieks from Master Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, and much swearing from the Fire Lord himself.

Should you choose to stick around for the evening, you would have witnessed the sight of Avatar Aang, the saviour of the world, running for his life from masses of water wielded by a highly unimpressed Fire Lady.

* * *

 **A.N. Again, I extend my heartfelt thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed or favourited; you always put a smile on a writer's face :)**

 **About Isao: Zutara's third oldest child, a firebender, has gold eyes and black hair (a carbon copy of Zuko, in effect). Oh, and his name means 'Honour' :3**

 **About Suika: Isao's younger twin sister, also a firebender, has gold eyes and brown hair, name means 'Water Fire'**

 **See you in the next one! ;)**


	4. Where Do Babies Come From

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own A:tLA. That privilege goes to Bryke and Nickelodeon**

* * *

Where Do Babies Come From

"Uncle, can I ask you a question?"

Sokka looks up from sharpening his boomerang, to see his eldest nephew standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"A question? Well, you've come to the right place!" He beams, throwing his arms out in a welcoming gesture, and narrowly missing an antique vase. "For I am always happy to impart my world famous Sokka Knowledge on any eager soul who comes looking."

Ukiuk blinks in confusion. "Sokka Knowledge?"

"It's what he calls his really overcomplicated way of explaining things," Yue calls from behind her father, where she is currently arm-wrestling, and beating, her older brother.

Sokka splutters. " _Over…overcomplicated_?! It is not!"

"Mum says it is."

"Yes, well, your mother doesn't know everything! …Don't tell her I said that."

"She'll still find out," Siluk chimes in. "Like when she found out that the reason you hurt your nose wasn't because of a sparring accident like you said, but cos you were looking for meat, and opened the cupboard too hard so it swung back and hit you."

Yue sniggers, while Sokka reddens. "What happened to _we must never speak of that incident again_?!"

"Um, is this a bad time?" Ukiuk mumbles, still standing in the doorway.

"Of course not! Ignore your cousins!" Sokka beckons his nephew into the room, and sits down on the futon next to him. "So what can I help you with?"

Ukuik fidgets. "Well, y'know Mum's pregenant?"

"The whole nation knows my sister is pregnant," Sokka notes seriously, albeit with a dry undertone that will go unnoticed by the five year old. "Honestly, I'm surprised that they haven't run out of party supplies." Say what you will about the Fire Nation, but they sure know how to celebrate.

Ukuik nods vigorously. "Yuh huh. There's loads!"

"There was even more when Cousin Kaida was born," Siluk pipes up, still losing his arm-wrestling match.

"Tui, I remember that. Apparently the impending birth of an heir is the perfect excuse for throwing a whole slew of parties, and that's not even including everything the Fire Sages insisted on arranging. And when she was actually born, the whole Nation was hungover for weeks."

"'Vryone's been nice bout it too. Nobles keep coming up to Mum and offering her con–" Ukiuk screws up his face as he tries to pronounce the word. "Congra– congratula –"

" _Congratulations_?" Siluk offers.

Ukiuk nods his head vigorously. "Yup!"

Sokka snorts. "Yes, they've been a lot better since her first pregnancy. With your older sister, everyone was like 'well done on getting pregnant, we're expecting a firebender by the way'…"

"Didn't Mum throw her fans at a group of nobles?" Yue slams her brother's arm down on the table, ignoring his squawk.

Sokka sniggers. "Yes, I remember that."

Siluk massages his arm. "Also, when we were down in the South Pole, for you coz," he nods at Ukiuk, "didn't we keep getting harassed by loads of people there too?"

"Did you?" Ukiuk's blue eyes widen.

"We did," Sokka sighed. "Because you were due to be born on the Winter Solstice, and on a full moon, everyone went nuts, saying that it meant a ridiculously powerful waterbender, who would master all the known forms by the age of seven, duel the Ocean Spirit, and create a whole new bending art, or something like that. So that we could actually spend some uninterrupted time together as a family, Katara turned half of the 'well-wishers' into ice sculptures, and Gran-Gran chased the other half away with her cooking ladle."

"I remember that," Yue smirks. "Aunt Toph and I threw snowballs at 'em."

Sokka groans. "How is it that even when she's _blind_ , Toph still manages to hit me in the face _every time_."

Yue shrugs. "I may have helped her."

"Didn't you want to ask Dad a question, cousin?" Siluk interrupts before Sokka can show of the wide variety of colours he is capable of turning.

"Oh yeah," Ukiuk blinks, having seemingly forgotten this himself. "Well, I was just wondering…and cause I kinda guess that you'd know about it Uncle Sokka…"

"Why yes, I am very knowledgeable," Sokka agrees, ignoring Yue's snort, _for someone who everyone says takes after me, she sure is a lot like her mother. And her aunt, come to think of it…_

"And even though Mum said that you get a bit weird when babies are born–"

Sokka puffs up his chest indignantly. "Untrue! I'm totally fine with it! I always stay calm under pressure! Nerves of steel, me!"

This does not escape Yue's notice. "Dad, you have a complete melt down. Mum says you even forgot everyone's names at one point."

Sokka whirls on his treacherous daughter. "Yue! You're meant to be on my side! And yet you always take your mother's or someone else's!"

Yue shrugs. "Mum knows where the meat is."

Sokka pouts.

It was mostly true! Him passing out during the birth of baby Hope, when they were travelling through the Serpent's Pass during the war _didn't count_! And anyway, he had done well during all of Suki's pregnancies! He didn't run out screaming, and he had only fainted twice! Sure, when she had Siluk, he had freaked out a _little_ , but _everyone_ does that with their first child! With Kaida, Zuko had actually managed to cause Iroh to run out of jasmine tea, and nearly set fire to the birthing room, but no one made fun of him as much!

"Anyway," he turns back towards his nephew. "We can establish that pregnancy does not scare me–"

"– For the most part," Siluk mumbles.

" _Why does everyone always gang up on me_?!" Sokka wails.

"It's not _ganging up_ on you, Dad," Yue bats her eyelids innocently. "We're just making sure our little cousin gets the complete, unbiased story."

"Because," Siluk continues smoothly. "While you've gotten better, you _have_ been scared by pregnancy a couple of times."

Sokka scowls. Alright, so _maybe_ that was true, but he had a legitimate reason for it! Pregnancies of spouses and siblings are different. When Katara had gotten pregnant with Kaida, he had stared stupidly at the slight swell of her belly for a good couple of minutes before asking how the baby got there, causing Toph to cackle and proclaim "Well Snoozles, when a man and a woman love each other very much…"

"So yeah," Ukiuk rushes on, determined to ask his question before he gets distracted again by Sokka versus his kids. "Cos you know loads, and you was there for all of Mum's pregenancies, an' Aunt Suki's too, so you'd know what happens…"

Sokka leans back; pretty sure that he knows what Ukiuk is going to ask. _Probably something along the lines of how he can help his mother feel more at ease. Katara's always saying that he has the 'healing nature of a waterbender', and this is probably it coming to light–_

"Uncle, where do babies come from?"

And that is how Sokka came to be on all fours, having fallen off the futon, wheezing his lungs out where he choked on air, with Siluk patting his back, Yue having breathing problems of her own, due to laughing so hard, and Ukiuk looking perplexed.

"Why…" Sokka gasps out between coughs. "Why…aren't you…asking…your father…about…this?"

Ukiuk shrugs. "Dad said you'd be the best one to ask."

"Jerkbender!" Sokka howls. "Mark my words; I'll get you for this! _Thou hast broken the sacred pact of the bro-code_! My revenge will be as swift and subtle as…as…"

"One of your 'sneak attacks'?" Yue offers.

"That's it! You have been spending _way_ too much time with your Aunt Toph!"

"So you don't know the answer then?" Ukiuk mumbles.

"I didn't say _that_ ," Sokka protests. "The question just…took me by surprise, that's all."

Ukiuk perks up again. "So you _do_ know the answer!"

Sokka sighs, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose in the same way Zuko is wont to do, fully aware that for all his incredible skills, he isn't getting out of this easily. "Okay," he mutters, ignoring the two evil grins that have spread across his children's faces. "It's kinda like…" he glances around for something, _anything_ , which can help him in this. "Uh…that!"

Ukiuk follows the direction his uncle's finger is pointing in, and his brow furrows. "Babies come from vases?"

"No!" Sokka groans, burying his head in his hands. "No, no, no, that came out so wrong! Okay, let's try this again." He raises his head, and catches something out of the corner of his eye.

"Perfect!" he lunges across the room, and grabs it. _You've never let me down before, Boomerang, don't you dare break that streak today!_

"Okay, so you see, boomerangs are very special and important. So when you find someone in your life who is also special and important, often you'll want to, uh, play with your boomerang together! Am I making sense so far?"

"Um…kind of?" Ukiuk mumbles, while Siluk and Yue collapse in fits of laughter.

"But you see," Sokka continues loudly. "Boomerangs can also be dangerous, if you don't know what you're doing. So when you start off, you need to, um, _protect_ the boomerang, and yourself!"

"How do you do that?" Ukiuk blinks.

"That's another question for another time, and hopefully for another person," Sokka smiles weakly. "But then, there comes a time when you and your special and important person are ready to play with the boomerang in the way the spirits intended! Now, it might not produce the desired results immediately, but that's why you keep trying until eventually, you obtain the outcome you want! You got all of that?"

"I think so," Ukiuk nods. "When you and 'nother person want to play with a boomrang, first be careful with it, but then when you're ready, you can play with it normally, until you get what you want?"

"Precisely!" Sokka gives himself a mental pat on the back. "Well, getting pregnant is a similar concept!"

The room goes quiet for a few moments, the exception being the sound of Siluk and Yue's sniggering.

"But...Uncle Sokka…" Ukiuk frowns. "We don't actually have any boomerangs here."

Sokka buries his head in his hands. "How do I explain this without scarring you for life, and or resulting in my sister killing me?!"

"Gran-Gran's explanation," Siluk finally, _finally_ , takes pity on his poor father. "Is that when the spirits see two people who are really in love with each other," here his face screws up slightly, accompanied by retching sounds from Yue, "they reward them by gifting them a baby. Penguin otters bring the baby to the mother, and put it in her stomach with magic and stuff, so it can grow there until it's big enough to come out."

Ukiuk purses his lips. "But we don't have penguin otters in the Fire Nation."

"The spirits probably send another animal, like a turtleduck," Yue replies.

"Tha' makes sense," Ukiuk nods. "So that's why everyone is so happy when the baby comes, because it shows that the spirits are happy with them?"

"That's it! That's it exactly!" Sokka nods, mentally wincing at the thought of what his son is going to want in return for helping his father out, _it's not like I haven't suffered enough today, why is it always me?_

Ukiuk grins. "Thanks Siluk and Yue."

"S'no problem, coz," Siluk grins back. "We got to an answer to your question eventually."

"And you kinda got to see what Dad's like with babies," Yue adds, smirking.

"Thank you Uncle Sokka," Ukiuk throws his arms round Sokka's neck. "Even if what you said didn't really make any sense."

"Happy to help!" Sokka beams, helping his nephew off the couch, and walking him to the door. "And ignore what your cousins say! You'll see; when your new sibling arrives, I'll be perfectly calm!"

Yue snorts. "Doubtful."

* * *

Four months later, when Katara gave birth to Kya, amidst the tears, and the congratulations, and the excited noises from the kids, Sokka was pretty confused to see Siluk and Ukiuk hand over bags of sweets to a smirking Yue. Later, he found out from Toph, it was due to the fact that they had lost a bet with Yue when, as she had predicted, Sokka had unintentionally glanced into the birthing room, and promptly passed out.

* * *

 **A.N. Why do I have such fun tormenting Sokka? I'm sorry Water Tribe Batman DX**

 **About Siluk: Sukka's oldest child, has Suki's hair and Sokka's eyes, name means 'Leader'**

 **About Ukiuk: Zutara's second child, a waterbender, has black hair and blue eyes, name means 'Winter'**

 **About Kya: Zutara's fifth child, also a waterbender, basically a carbon copy of Katara**

 **See you all next time, and Happy Halloween ;)**


End file.
